Neglect

I was checking up on all of my favorite blogs this morning after my MJ post and I saw this post on The Women's Colony . It reminded me not to forget my man, Johnny Depp, my second ever love. He is also the longest lasting of my loves. Ever since 21 Jump Street this man has resided in my heart...

Oh Johnny...



Sweet, sweet, Johnny.

The First Man I Fell in Love With...

was Michael Jackson. I can't remember how old I was, but I was born in 1981 so I was young. But, boy oh boy, I was in love!



My dad took my sister and me to a MJ concert one year. I can't remember the concert at. all. but I remember sitting in the stadium waiting for everyone to clear out. You see, my sister, Binsky, had fallen asleep and Dad wanted to wait until everyone left so that it would be easier to carry her to the car.



As we were walking out a lady stopped to tell us something terribly sad. Michael Jackson had walked through the hall.

Right there, right where we were standing.

Michael Jackson had signed something for her.

Right there, right where we were standing.

Only we weren't standing there when it happened. We were sitting in our seats waiting because Binsky was asleep.

I was SO sad. Distraught, even. It really tore me up... I could have seen the man of my dreams and I missed him! IL was sad for a long time, until I became mad. I became mad because one day Binsky informed me that she was not, in fact, sleeping at the time. She had been pretending so that she could get carried to the car.

This is a punishable offense. Some one, quick, come up with a punishment.



So, I spent this morning scouring the web for pictures of Michael where he didn't look like he was missing chunks of his nose, or where his skin wasn't so white it was translucent. I tried to find pictures that flattered him, pictures that showed the best of him. It saddened me to see that it is getting so hard to find the good pictures of him anymore. What happened to him? It also made me laugh... I suppose that my very first celebrity crush, the very first man I fell in love with, had more to tell about my future than I ever really noticed.

I was engaged before I had Angel Boy and married El Vaquero. Yes, I was.



He was from Barbados. This makes him Bajan. This also makes him black.

I also have been known to kiss girls at bars.



I guess I shouldn't be surprised.




Yesterday, after the news was released, and even this morning, I have a heavy heart. No matter what has become of Michael over the years, what he has or hasn't done, he was still the King of Pop. He changed the music and dance world forever. There is no way this world will ever be the same.



RIP, MJ... the world is not done fighting for you.

Today is a Really Big Day

Today is my mom's birthday. She wants us all to pretend that it isn't her birthday, though, because today is also my younger sister's graduation day. Snotface is graduating from high school and my eyes well up at just the mere mention of it. I can't even discuss it.

Stop it.

Get a grip, woman.

Whew, okay.

If I had a scanner, I would show you a time line of this girl's whole life, but I don't, so I won't... ummm, can't.

Here she is, May 2003. Snotface is 12 years old. Gosh, she is so little!



July 2003, at the beach with Mom and our Brother.



December, 2005, "The Sisters". I'm on the left, our other sister, Binsky, is on the right.


Where was my mother when this picture was being taken? Why wasn't she telling me to stand up straight?!

November, 2006, Snotface meets her nephew - Angel Boy.



June, 2007, Angel and Snotface doing their thing.


poor kid had terrible hair in his early days

August, 2008, Snotface meets her niece - Our Princess.



May, 2009, Snotface goes to the Prom. Second pic is her dad, my stepdad.





(Graduation post to follow, I hope - rain please hold off!!!)


It has been a long road, watching her get braces, and get her braces taken off. I've seen more soccer games than I can count - and there are more in our future. She is going away to college on a soccer scholarship!! YAY! I've watched her grow into a great, loving woman. She defends and supports her brother, takes care of those around her. She possesses both the best and worst qualities of us all and is unique in her own right, as well.

She has had trying times, too. In elementary school she was the victim of intense bullying. The girls didn't like her because she was good at soccer, because their boyfriends were friends with Snotface. It is hard for a girl to be friends with boys because eventually their girl friends get jealous. As is the case with most bullying cases, the school did nothing. It got so bad that our mom eventually had to pull Snotface out of school and put her into catholic school. Things drastically turned around for her and when it was time to go to high school, she rejoined the kids that she had grown up with.

This day is so bitter sweet for me. My kids adore her. She comes over every Sunday night with our mom to watch the kids while I work my one shift. I see her all the time, we talk all the time. Snotface has a great relationship with Angel Boy and it makes us all sad that Princess won't have that same relationship because Snotface won't be around as much for the next 6 (YES SIX) years. She is going to school to be an athletic trainer. Her college is still in state, less than an our away, but her soccer will be demanding, her time limited.

On the flip side, we are all just SO proud of her, so happy that she is dedicated to her schooling and that her hard work with soccer and all the time spent got her money for school. So proud of the woman she has become and continues to grow into.

Good luck, Snotface, congratulations and we love you!

A Boy After My Own Heart

When we go out to the park, Angel Boy really loves to have fun. We throw tons of rocks and make huge splashes. If this involves getting muddy, so be it.



He doesn't enjoy when his hands are dirty. He insists on rinsing his hands in the water every. single. time.



But seriously, every time we go to the park I hear the same thing. "Grandpa?" Okay fine, I'll call Grandpa. So then Grandpa is on board and we schedule a meeting and we are on our way. Not even out of the car yet, AB starts up again. "Grandpa!!! Throw rocks?!" Of course, Angel, we are going to throw rocks.



This is problematic, though. Left on his own, Angel can find plenty of well deserving rocks to throw, no issue. With Grandpa at his side he miraculously loses rock vision and needs Grandpa to find them all for him. And there are standards, people. Standards, I tell you. A Grandpa chosen rock must be large. The larger the better. The bigger splash, the better.



Grandpa does try to take pictures. He loves photography but Angel doesn't really tolerate that when it is time to throw rocks.



Eventually Grandpa will come around. He always does. He likes throwing rocks just as much, if not more than the boy.



So the story goes. Eventually I must remind the boys that I do have to wash the clothes Angel has covered in mud and that if he wants a little time on the playground, the rock stint is up. Reluctantly, he will oblige, but he will not go happily.



I leave you with this. Never allow your boys to throw rocks. Anywhere. You will never get your park time back again. I'm sorry. Don't say I didn't warn you.

This point will sink in and hit home as the months pass, you'll see. I promise.

And I also leave you with this. Spring is my favorite time of year, for sure. I love the new growth, the colors breaking the grey of winter. Fresh smells and warm sun...

Raisin' the Roof

When our Princess was born we were minorly worried. She was very, relaxed, for lack of a better word. Her arms just hung there most of the time, she held her body awkwardly - even for a baby, her eyes didn't focus on things and just seemed totally unresponsive. Gradually we started to notice small differences and eventually she really did come into her own.


The Princess - 4 months old

These days, her personality astounds me. She is always talking and clapping and blowing kisses. She follows Angel Boy around, crawling - but wishing to walk, wrestles with him and stands on her own with no issue.

The new baby hysteria has been officially replaced with "OH MY GOODNESS I ALMOST HAVE A TODDLER... A SECOND TODDLER" hysteria. While I am still so excited to have a walking, talking second child, I am definitely scared! My life is on the verge of getting wildly out of control... and I can't wait!

Bored

I found this really great project in my Cookie magazine over a year ago. They did a feature of this one particular lady's home and in her room she had polaroid pictures of her family hanging in the shape of a heart. I decided that this was a much cheaper fix for our lack of a head board than actually buying a headboard. El Vaquero is still unconvinced, his headboard/footboard quest still goes.

Anyway, I loved the idea and set out, over months, editing my pictures into little squares (3x3 I think) and cutting them out and eventually hanging them up. I LOVED it.


This was all done during my crazy nesting phase right before our Princess was born. Princess was born at home so I felt like I needed our room to be perfect.

And it was.

Now, I can't figure out a way to incorporate our little princess into it without removing perfect little pictures of the Angel Boy or expanding the heart so big that it loses it's charm. So this leaves me board. Head board and foot board :)

I need them.

But it did lend it's self to a great photoshoot with Angel Boy and editing done with the actions provided by P-Dub.



If nothing else at all, I am so happy to have these pictures. There is something about my big boy looking towards a heart made up all of special moments in his life, that just warms my heart. This picture in itself is special to me because it was just before I told him he was too big for diapers. We have been diaper free ever since, almost 3 months. Thank goodness, because 7 months with two in diapers was just too long.

The Definition of Awkward

Awkward, from Wiki:

1. Not easily managed or effected; embarrassing

   That was an extremely awkward moment. Everyone was watching.

2. Lacking social skills, or uncomfortable with social interaction

   I'm very awkward at parties.

And so, as the story goes, I have lived a very awkward life.

Shall we start with the first definition? There was this day, back in 8th grade, that severely shaped my life. The try outs for our school play. I was so nervous, I have always had stage fright, so imagine... the sweaty palms, butterflies doing jumping jacks in my stomach, hot flashes.... the works. I had spoken with our music teacher prior to try outs and he had assured me that there weren't solos in the try outs, just group auditions.
Flash to me, on stage, with a group of kids. The ten of us all sang the song and then he turned to us... and in slow motion I could hear him tell us, "now..... you'll..... sing..... alone....". I was so nauseated that when it came time to my turn I sounded no better than a frog croaking. Pun intended. All the kids in the audience laughed, I nearly cried, and I have never tried out for anything again. Ever. Seriously.
"That was an extremely awkward moment. Everyone was watching."

I just joined a new mom's group. It is a natural families group and further cements how off balance I am. I want to live this natural self sustaining life. I want to fully parent with kindness, empathy and gentleness in mind. I want to feed my family organic and vegetarian food. I want, I want, I want. Right. So... I have made lots of small changes in our life and a few large ones... from eliminating most of the bad sugar my son eats (while we are at home... I can't get those grandparents under control, though), to eliminating meat from my diet (today is day one... we will see how this goes), to having my daughter at home and all my prenatal and gyn care with a midwife. I cloth diapered my first, prepared to cloth diaper teh second but never did it. We have a large amount of wooden toys but an even larger amount of platic noisy toys. I crave a vegetable garden but just can't do it since we are still in an apartment at this phase of our life. I drive a big SUV. I selectively and delay vaccines, I avoid antibiotics if it can be so. I have eliminated, and reintroduced, sugar to my diet. I have given up, and picked up again, caffeine. I baby-wear but I also have a really awesome jogging stroller that I couldn't survive without. Seriously. I am vehemently against kiddie leashes. Enough pretense, you just want to hear the good stuff, right?! So I joined this group... well, actually, I applied for this group and they didn't approve my application for over a month. One day I was at the park and my kids started playing with a couple kids who were at the park. Their moms invited me to join their play group and when I went to sign up on the site it turned out to be the same group that I was still pending for. Now I am a member and have been to one meet-up so far. Angel Boy kept running away and just being his crazy normal self. At one point I said, "and this is why they invented kiddie leashes". *Insert foot in mouth* Not only is that against everything I believe in, but these new women hold those same beliefs. They chuckled... then the crickets *cricket*cricket*, then they changed the subject.
"I'm very awkward at parties play dates."

Hello from The Awkward Mom

Welcome!! I plan on delighting all of you, my lovely readers, with stories from my life that are sure to make you feel better about yourself. Trust me, it shouldn't be too hard for you to sit back, sigh, and think, "I am sure glad that wasn't me,".

I am, first and foremost, a mom to my two wonderful children, Angel Boy and our Princess. I have a great husband, El Vaquero who works very hard to keep me with my kids all the time. We are trudging through life trying to navigate uncertain waters living in an area, of very high cost-of-living and a history of poor financial choices (on my behalf). We have dreams and goals and aspirations, we lack means and opportunity but will never give up hope or lose sight of the future we are longing for.

Let's start this blog out on a strong note. I ask you this question:

"What is your most embarrassing moment?"
I know, I know - this question is so played out.... but really, what say you?! There are just so many of them for me... it is like a bag of chips, you can't have just one.

I immediately go back to my first kiss. If I could remember it, I would tell you all about it. Seriously. I was in the 8th grade, at a carnival held behind a church. The guy was younger by a year and wasn't nearly as scared and I was. I was lame, I know. My BFF (best friend forever) of that year was far more, dare I say, advanced, for lack of a better term, than I was at that time and the pressure was on to make the leap from sweaty hand holding to kid-like kissing. Have y'all ever heard of a ride called the zipper?

"Quite simply, the Zipper is the most ingenious device known to man. Made by Chance Rides, the Zipper will unpredictably whip and flip you head-over-heels while rotating around three separate axes. You'll laugh hysterically or lose your lunch, or both."
picture and text from here

So, the boy and I board the zipper. Traumatic enough as it is, imagine knowing in your soul... knowing so strongly you can feel it in your big toe... that you were going to get your first kiss and you so weren't ready for it. I was there. I was so there. Anyway... so I was there, in the cage and the ride started. I know that. Then the ride stopped. We were at the top and I was freaking out. I was going to get kissed. I was at the top of a ride and I hate heights. I was going to get kissed. Then he did it. I know that. And then I was at the bottom of the ride de-boarding the cage. I swear I blacked out, I must have. I'm telling you, I don't remember a thing! How is that even possible?! I can't tell you anything more about the day or the event because I can't remember any of that, I was scarred! I have overcome this, I promise I don't black out from getting kissed anymore, I may get a little weak in the knees but nothing as drastic as that sad balmy summer night at a carnival close to God.